It’s March 1st. As I am sitting here typing this, I came to a realization that within the last decade, I’d cared too much about what others think of me for far too long.
Growing up in a traditional Vietnamese home, expectations were always high. Grades had to be nearly perfect, know your manners around the clock, respect and obey your elders, and never, ever, dishonor your family’s name.
I tried to get good grades, but it didn’t come easily for me. Every single thing I did require so much effort, concentration, and commitment. Then behold, my youngest brother skipped grades and was a literal baby genius.
Aside from feeling like I was constantly in an obscure and confusing rat race to be the best daughter, I was bullied for my size. Kids at school would kick dirt in my face, push me to the ground, or throw water bottles at me.
I shared an incident recently with my children to show them a small glimpse of how bullies have existed way longer than their generation. I told about my next-door neighbor who would play house with me on summer days until it was dark outside. We had so much fun, created memories, and I thought I had found a friend.
One day as I was walking home from school, the person behind me kicked the back of my ankles, causing me to trip and fall. Then, this person spat in my hair. As I looked up, it was my neighbor and her friend.
I ran home as quickly as I could and cried about it to my mom. She dusted me off and told me the world was an awful place, full of awful people, and that I need to buck up if I’m going to “make it.” So, I did.
I got my toys and played by myself in the front yard. A short while later, my neighbor came over, sat down next to me, and said, “I’m sorry we did that to you earlier. I didn’t want to, but my friend wanted to pick on you. Are we still friends?”
Naive, young, and yearning to be loved, I accepted her back into my inner circle. The next few months were followed by being shoved by her, kicked, and having my stuff stolen.
“Wow, mom. Why’d you let someone so mean back into your life?” — my kids.
I oftentimes wonder that, too. Maybe I was wanting to see the good in people, denying the fact that some people are just mean.
But would I change that part of my life if I could? Hell no. EVERYTHING we experience happens for a reason and we may not have all the answers to WHY, but it builds character.
This part of my life affected me for the next two decades.
I was determined to find acceptance from everyone around me. My family, friends, acquaintances, boss, and coworkers. I had to feel liked or else I felt worthless.
At my heaviest weight of 330 lbs, I shared with friends and family that I was going to change my life and try to lose weight.
Ah, I can hear the scoffs, doubtful expressions, and avoidance of eye contact. “Well, good luck. It’s a lot of hard work and commitment so don’t be let down if you don’t lose weight.”
Thanks.
Truly. Thank you.
Thank you for igniting the flame within me. Fast forward 13 years later and I have lost 153 lbs, and maintaining.
It required self-discipline, consistency, finding supportive communities, and most importantly of all, grace and self-love.
I’ve got big dreams and aspirations and have learned through the years that as long as I manifest the energy and determination, I can make my dreams happen. And you can, too.
Don’t let the world dictate your worth.
Don’t let the opinion of others knock you down.
If you fail, brush it off, learn from it, and try again. Try it until you’ve mastered it. And once you’ve mastered it, teach it with empathy and compassion.
Be kind to others.
Be kind to yourself.
Your dreams are achievable.
Believe in yourself and watch the magic happen.
