Ah, the mirror. Is it our friend or foe?
Oftentimes, we narrate the outcome of our perception. Something that isn’t true may feel true to us because we tell ourselves stories based on assumptions and not quite the truth.
It’s hard to accept the truth, no doubt about it. It takes serious self-evaluation, acceptance, logic, and understanding to grasp the truth, whether for better or worse.
One of the truths that many people can’t get over is their self-image, primarily in women.
Social status, model-worthy expectations, modern standards all contribute to a messed-up interpretation of what true beauty is.
For decades (if not longer), it has always been a race to the top to be the best, the most beautiful, wealthy, and successful. But how often do you hear about the media focusing on happiness?
Do you know why they don’t?
Happiness doesn’t increase rankings, subscribers, or popularity. As fucked up as it may be, humans thrive on drama. They’re triggered to respond with negativity rather than choosing the positive route.
Example (and you may relate): A friend of yours goes on a week-long trip, comes back, and when asked how their trip was, it’s usually what they didn’t like about their trip. Sure, they may have had fun times in between, but their memories will begin with the challenges they experience or issues, first.
And it goes for most of us as well. We may be lying on the sandy beaches of Hawaii, but the delay in flight and issues with hotel room check-ins are the first thing we remember. It sucks, but it’s human behavior.
Now, don’t get me wrong. If you’re reading this and scoffing at my comments with “I never do that,” then good for you! I am not encouraging a negative mindset. I’m just stating what I often hear from everyone around me. It’s an astounding 99% of people I know.
One of the biggest hurdles women (and sometimes men), go through is the fluctuation in weight gain/loss. Throughout our lifetime, it’s a roller coaster of being at our fittest to feeling like an absolute couch potato and gaining gain from stress, health issues, hormones, pregnancies, etc.
As people begin their weight-loss journey, it’s a complicated mind-fuck game that revolves around obsessing over our self-image.
Speaking from absolute experience, I weighed 330 lbs at my heaviest. It took me 14 years to get down to 175 lbs. The process was definitely not an uphill linear pattern. It’s more like a shit show of squiggles, lots of ups and downs. The mental aspect of it all was the most challenging.
After losing that much weight, I looked like a deflated balloon. When fully dressed and ready, I felt great about myself and what I see in the mirror. But I hated seeing my bulges and bat wings. It was hard to appreciate my accomplishments when the reality of realizing the damage I’ve done to my own body through food abuse.
Realizing and acknowledging my depression with my body dysmorphia, I took the following steps to begin my healing process in hopes that it would help me love myself.
- I committed to seeing a therapist once a week. I talked about my highs and lows, raw and unfiltered truth.
- I logged my eating to hold myself accountable if I’m noticing weight gain. We make excuses for ourselves when the number on the scale goes up. “Oh, it’s water weight, my clothes are heavy, PMS,” or the classic “I don’t know how I gained this weight!” knowing all too well that late-night Cheetos and ice cream binges are frequent.
- I look at myself in the mirror and tell myself one affirmation daily. It never has to be complicated. It’s a simple thought of positivity and it goes a long way.
- I reach out to support groups on social media. People who are going through the same struggles tend to bond and help empower each other.
- I give myself grace. Life is hard enough, why add more to your plate? I practice mindfulness to start off the day on the right track.
Look, it’s not easy. It never is. But, the first step to achieving happiness and self-love begins with us. It begins with the desire to make a change and actually making that change.
On your worst days, remember that there are people like you. People who battle with mental challenges, doubt their self-worth and procure negative narratives.
But on our best days, that should always be celebrated.
First and foremost, acknowledge your inner and outer beauty. You’re unique in your own special way. You make a difference in this world.
So love yourself enough to take the first step towards finding your definition of happiness.
